Friday, May 27, 2011

Be a little more late. It's worth it.

So... earlier this week, while attending a conference for work, I had a HORRIFYING thing happen to me.  It was something that happens to teenagers, maybe irresponsible college students, but... and old cat lady like me?  Well, apparently, yes.

I was running a few miuntes late for the first presentation and so I rushed in and found one of the only open seats, which was of course in the front row.  A while into the presentation I started feeling like I should find a ladies room, but since I had already caused one interuption, I really did not want to cause another.  So, I figured waiting until lunch wouldn't be a big deal. 
W.R.O.N.G.
I bled through my khakis.  All over my pants.  And onto the chair. Oh my god, it was EVERYWHERE.  After a brief panic, I ran to the bathroom and basically bathed myself, wrapped my sweater around my waist, rolled up one pant leg (I'm serious, it was everywhere), borrowed a friend's car, drove to the closest store that would have everything I needed and where I wouldn't be judged too harshly: Wal-mart. I figured that someone in Walmart had to be having a worse day than I was, right? I needed to buy new pants, new HUGE pads, and HUGE granny panties to fit my new HUGE pads.  So, I tried on the pants and wore them out of the dressing room and the woman wanted someone to escort me to the register to ensure that I didn't steal the pants. Having never stolen anything in my life, I kind of froze and I finally broke down crying and said, "I had an accident (weep weep) and I still have more shopping to do...."  She was like "Ooooooh, okay dear, just do what you need to do."  It was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life.  As I got to the register I remembered that both of my checking accounts were overdrawn and I was going to have to write a bad check.  Uh oh! What if they have a new way of scanning checks to be able to tell if they are bad??? Oh god.  So, I decided to try it and if all else failed, I would leave the store wearing the black stolen pants.  Desperate times called for desperate measures.  Luckily, the bad check went through and I was able to buy all the supplies I needed to comfortably return to my bloody chair at the conference. 

My advice to you is: even if you hate to be late more than anything in the world, be a little more late for that last minute trip to the bathroom.  It's worth it.  Trust me. 

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I'm getting healthy!

This cat showed up on my door step yesterday and taught me more than she will ever know.  It went something like this...

Well, hello kitty on my front stoop...
are you lost? are you okay? did you come here to die?...
well, I can't keep you, so you are going to have to find a different home...
but, now you are rubbing up against me and loving me even though I have not even fed you or loved you yet...
wait! is this unconditional love?! and now do I have to keep you? 
oh crap. what am I supposed to do?
is it my duty to take care of everyone who needs help? 
why don't I feel compelled to keep you? 
everyone is telling me that you "found me" and that I have to take you in....
but I don't feel the urge to take that on...am I evil? 
or is this me unconsciously setting a healthy boundary? 
taking you in ttemporarily and keeping you safe and warm feels comfortable, but making you my forever-responsibility does not...

Then I had a revelation.  I do not have to take care of anyone but myself!  And not feeling the duty to do so is healthy

I'm getting healthy! go me go me....

End of the story is that the cat's mom saw a sign I had hung up in the neighborhood and was very, very happy to have her kitty back in her arms.  And in the meantime, that cat taught me a huge lesson... 

Thank you, Tisha!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thursday Thirteen




Thirteen things I hate today:

1. My co-workers' moodiness.
2. The smell of skanky dog in my office from my coworker's nasty dog that needs to be groomed.
3. That it is snowing in May.
4. That my feet are cold.
5. The stain on my pants.
6. That I am more than likely not going to have sex today.
7. The stiffening pain in my neck.
8. That at this very moment there is a woman being raped somewhere in the world.
9. My Mom for denying that she is an alcoholic.
10. Having no money in my savings account.
11. That I am craving cheese and don't have any.
12. That I am not on a beach in the warm sun reading a book with my bestie.
13. That I am not doing anything to stop #8.



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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Is it me or America?

Why do I always look for greener grass? I wanted a "real job" - I got it. I wanted a 4 Runner - I bought one. I wanted to live in a beautiful place - done. So, why do I keep looking? I have a great job with paid vacations and room for advancement and I still want more. More, more, more. Well, it's not even that I want more, I just want different. I want to feel as though when I come to work I am helping people less fortunate than I am. Whether they are hungry or sick or sad or poor. I want them to know that I care about them and I am do not think that I am any better than they are. I want to hear their stories and find out what their dreams are. Then I want to help them get even an inch closer to their dreams. But when I get that job, will it be enough or will I still want more?