Have you even been asked if you were pregnant when you weren't? Yes? How many times? Once, twice? Well, I've got you beat! THREE TIMES!
The first time was years ago and I was wearing a baby-doll shirt. Ok, I'll let that one slide.
The next one was just because I am plaid, old fat.
And today? Today was, well, because now not only is my mid section fat, but I must have the "Hi, I'm pregnant round face" because the woman couldn't even see my body!!!
I've had the (smiling and rubbing her belly) "So, is it official?". And now the, "Are you all ready for the baby?" AND - all three times I was asked by WOMEN!
HELLO LADIES! This is in Chapter Fucking One of your "Things to Never Ask" Handbook!!
As my bestie would say, Oh. Em. Gee.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Unisex clothing
Why do they call it unisex clothing?? It's not. It's men's clothing. Why don't they just call it men's and admit that their company is too lazy to make women's clothing?? I may not be shaped like a super model but I am also not shaped like a square robot! Geesh!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Walking away with dignity
I did it! I took a chance on myself and left that job. And, man-oh-man does it feel good!! I sleep better, eat less, and smile more. Leaving that environment felt like moving out of an abusive household. A twisted, secretive, controlling, judgmental, dysfunctional household.
I quit without having a job (or even applying to one) and knew, in my soul, that the world would take care of me. And it did. I was offered every job that I interviewed for. So, to all of you who are unhappy and dread their work days - I am here to tell you that there ARE jobs out there. Companies ARE hiring and you CAN be happier.
It took me realizing that I was not supposed to be able to "handle" anything like that. For years I questioned myself, asking myself why I wasn't able to cope with or handle that environment. Once I realized that the problems weren't my inabilities or weaknesses, I was able to walk away without a regret in the world.
If you are in a situation that makes you feel like a crazy person - GET OUT. NOW. Life it too short to live that way. There is a big, loving and accepting world out there just waiting to embrace you and all that you have to offer. I promise.
As for the awful boss I left behind, she is still there and isn't going anywhere any time soon. I only have one thing to say about that - karma is real and it is coming to get her.
I quit without having a job (or even applying to one) and knew, in my soul, that the world would take care of me. And it did. I was offered every job that I interviewed for. So, to all of you who are unhappy and dread their work days - I am here to tell you that there ARE jobs out there. Companies ARE hiring and you CAN be happier.
It took me realizing that I was not supposed to be able to "handle" anything like that. For years I questioned myself, asking myself why I wasn't able to cope with or handle that environment. Once I realized that the problems weren't my inabilities or weaknesses, I was able to walk away without a regret in the world.
If you are in a situation that makes you feel like a crazy person - GET OUT. NOW. Life it too short to live that way. There is a big, loving and accepting world out there just waiting to embrace you and all that you have to offer. I promise.
As for the awful boss I left behind, she is still there and isn't going anywhere any time soon. I only have one thing to say about that - karma is real and it is coming to get her.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Living in Dreadville
I feel like I am living Groundhog's Day in Dreadville. My office makes my head feel like a chainsaw is being driven through my skull. I have 3 blind spots in my right eye. The stress of hating my boss has driven me over the edge. She is never here, never working, and never aware of what her employees are doing. Meanwhile, we are all here trying to keep the fucking ship afloat!!
However, I feel like I'm never going to happy here because a year ago when she was a workaholic and micro-managing the shit out of me, I hated her then too! So, what am I supposed to do?
I like my job but I can not stand the environment that I work in. In order to get through the day, I have to light candles and listen to freakin' Enya for god's sake! It's ridiculous.
However, I feel like I'm never going to happy here because a year ago when she was a workaholic and micro-managing the shit out of me, I hated her then too! So, what am I supposed to do?
I like my job but I can not stand the environment that I work in. In order to get through the day, I have to light candles and listen to freakin' Enya for god's sake! It's ridiculous.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Nearing the end?
This is the second Tuesday in a row that I have woken up thinking it was Friday. To me that means that my Mondays are WAY too long and stressful. What do you think?
I work with 8 women - 5 of them that are INCREDIBLY difficult. When I started this job, it was great. I loved my manager, loved the business, loved the benefits. But, a year into the job, I was promoted to a different position and was given a new manager. She is one of the Dreadful 5. I have now worked for her for 2 years and it has not become any easier. Just as I think things are settling down and the office dynamics are going to remain calm for a while, BAM! Someone has a fit and is throwing a temper tantrum about some stupid thing or another. I can't DEAL WITH IT anymore! These women are making me batshitcrazy.
Two years ago when I started to hate my job, I told myself that I had to give the company (and my resume) 3 years of my time to see if things improved. Well, that 3 year mark is 3 months away and I still get anxiety-tummy driving to work.
I struggle with leaving because I am not a "quitter" and because I don't want to leave and then be in a worse situation. But is that even possible? Do all 50 year old women pick on each other and back-stab each other like these women do? I don't know!
Please help!!!
SK
I work with 8 women - 5 of them that are INCREDIBLY difficult. When I started this job, it was great. I loved my manager, loved the business, loved the benefits. But, a year into the job, I was promoted to a different position and was given a new manager. She is one of the Dreadful 5. I have now worked for her for 2 years and it has not become any easier. Just as I think things are settling down and the office dynamics are going to remain calm for a while, BAM! Someone has a fit and is throwing a temper tantrum about some stupid thing or another. I can't DEAL WITH IT anymore! These women are making me batshitcrazy.
Two years ago when I started to hate my job, I told myself that I had to give the company (and my resume) 3 years of my time to see if things improved. Well, that 3 year mark is 3 months away and I still get anxiety-tummy driving to work.
I struggle with leaving because I am not a "quitter" and because I don't want to leave and then be in a worse situation. But is that even possible? Do all 50 year old women pick on each other and back-stab each other like these women do? I don't know!
Please help!!!
SK
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I'm taking tomorrow off... so that I don't go to jail.
Do you ever feel like your life is being taped? Like it is all a really bad joke that someone is playing on you? This week feels that way to me. It feels like the world is out to get me and my reactions to each gut-punch are being taped for future blackmail.
I've tried to stay calm through the repetitive jabs but today I hit a breaking point. This point came when I had to sit across from my boss at a boardroom table for 8 hours while she giggled at texts she was receiving from the man I have had my eyes on for months. As if that wasn't enough torture, I had to then go to dinner with her and listen to her go on and on about how sweet he is and how great their "connection" is. UUGGHH!! I wanted to throw up on her. She kept looking at me and asking if I was okay - she said I seemed a little "off". Well, YES, I am OFF! You are fucking the guy that was supposed to be fucking ME!
If this is a test, I am determined to pass it. And to do so, I can't go to work tomorrow. If I did, I would fail. And fail hard.
I was trying really hard to be happy for them. But then I decided, fuck it. As my therapist would say, I need to honor my authentic feelings. So instead of being happy for them, I am going to kill them.
I've tried to stay calm through the repetitive jabs but today I hit a breaking point. This point came when I had to sit across from my boss at a boardroom table for 8 hours while she giggled at texts she was receiving from the man I have had my eyes on for months. As if that wasn't enough torture, I had to then go to dinner with her and listen to her go on and on about how sweet he is and how great their "connection" is. UUGGHH!! I wanted to throw up on her. She kept looking at me and asking if I was okay - she said I seemed a little "off". Well, YES, I am OFF! You are fucking the guy that was supposed to be fucking ME!
If this is a test, I am determined to pass it. And to do so, I can't go to work tomorrow. If I did, I would fail. And fail hard.
I was trying really hard to be happy for them. But then I decided, fuck it. As my therapist would say, I need to honor my authentic feelings. So instead of being happy for them, I am going to kill them.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Be a little more late. It's worth it.
So... earlier this week, while attending a conference for work, I had a HORRIFYING thing happen to me. It was something that happens to teenagers, maybe irresponsible college students, but... and old cat lady like me? Well, apparently, yes.
I was running a few miuntes late for the first presentation and so I rushed in and found one of the only open seats, which was of course in the front row. A while into the presentation I started feeling like I should find a ladies room, but since I had already caused one interuption, I really did not want to cause another. So, I figured waiting until lunch wouldn't be a big deal.
W.R.O.N.G.
I bled through my khakis. All over my pants. And onto the chair. Oh my god, it was EVERYWHERE. After a brief panic, I ran to the bathroom and basically bathed myself, wrapped my sweater around my waist, rolled up one pant leg (I'm serious, it was everywhere), borrowed a friend's car, drove to the closest store that would have everything I needed and where I wouldn't be judged too harshly: Wal-mart. I figured that someone in Walmart had to be having a worse day than I was, right? I needed to buy new pants, new HUGE pads, and HUGE granny panties to fit my new HUGE pads. So, I tried on the pants and wore them out of the dressing room and the woman wanted someone to escort me to the register to ensure that I didn't steal the pants. Having never stolen anything in my life, I kind of froze and I finally broke down crying and said, "I had an accident (weep weep) and I still have more shopping to do...." She was like "Ooooooh, okay dear, just do what you need to do." It was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. As I got to the register I remembered that both of my checking accounts were overdrawn and I was going to have to write a bad check. Uh oh! What if they have a new way of scanning checks to be able to tell if they are bad??? Oh god. So, I decided to try it and if all else failed, I would leave the store wearing the black stolen pants. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Luckily, the bad check went through and I was able to buy all the supplies I needed to comfortably return to my bloody chair at the conference.
My advice to you is: even if you hate to be late more than anything in the world, be a little more late for that last minute trip to the bathroom. It's worth it. Trust me.
I was running a few miuntes late for the first presentation and so I rushed in and found one of the only open seats, which was of course in the front row. A while into the presentation I started feeling like I should find a ladies room, but since I had already caused one interuption, I really did not want to cause another. So, I figured waiting until lunch wouldn't be a big deal.
W.R.O.N.G.
I bled through my khakis. All over my pants. And onto the chair. Oh my god, it was EVERYWHERE. After a brief panic, I ran to the bathroom and basically bathed myself, wrapped my sweater around my waist, rolled up one pant leg (I'm serious, it was everywhere), borrowed a friend's car, drove to the closest store that would have everything I needed and where I wouldn't be judged too harshly: Wal-mart. I figured that someone in Walmart had to be having a worse day than I was, right? I needed to buy new pants, new HUGE pads, and HUGE granny panties to fit my new HUGE pads. So, I tried on the pants and wore them out of the dressing room and the woman wanted someone to escort me to the register to ensure that I didn't steal the pants. Having never stolen anything in my life, I kind of froze and I finally broke down crying and said, "I had an accident (weep weep) and I still have more shopping to do...." She was like "Ooooooh, okay dear, just do what you need to do." It was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. As I got to the register I remembered that both of my checking accounts were overdrawn and I was going to have to write a bad check. Uh oh! What if they have a new way of scanning checks to be able to tell if they are bad??? Oh god. So, I decided to try it and if all else failed, I would leave the store wearing the black stolen pants. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Luckily, the bad check went through and I was able to buy all the supplies I needed to comfortably return to my bloody chair at the conference.
My advice to you is: even if you hate to be late more than anything in the world, be a little more late for that last minute trip to the bathroom. It's worth it. Trust me.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I'm getting healthy!
Well, hello kitty on my front stoop...
are you lost? are you okay? did you come here to die?...
well, I can't keep you, so you are going to have to find a different home...
but, now you are rubbing up against me and loving me even though I have not even fed you or loved you yet...
wait! is this unconditional love?! and now do I have to keep you?
oh crap. what am I supposed to do?
is it my duty to take care of everyone who needs help?
why don't I feel compelled to keep you?
everyone is telling me that you "found me" and that I have to take you in....
but I don't feel the urge to take that on...am I evil?
or is this me unconsciously setting a healthy boundary?
taking you in ttemporarily and keeping you safe and warm feels comfortable, but making you my forever-responsibility does not...
Then I had a revelation. I do not have to take care of anyone but myself! And not feeling the duty to do so is healthy.
I'm getting healthy! go me go me....
End of the story is that the cat's mom saw a sign I had hung up in the neighborhood and was very, very happy to have her kitty back in her arms. And in the meantime, that cat taught me a huge lesson...
Thank you, Tisha!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Thursday Thirteen
Thirteen things I hate today:
1. My co-workers' moodiness.
2. The smell of skanky dog in my office from my coworker's nasty dog that needs to be groomed.
3. That it is snowing in May.
4. That my feet are cold.
5. The stain on my pants.
6. That I am more than likely not going to have sex today.
7. The stiffening pain in my neck.
8. That at this very moment there is a woman being raped somewhere in the world.
9. My Mom for denying that she is an alcoholic.
10. Having no money in my savings account.
11. That I am craving cheese and don't have any.
12. That I am not on a beach in the warm sun reading a book with my bestie.
13. That I am not doing anything to stop #8.
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Is it me or America?
Why do I always look for greener grass? I wanted a "real job" - I got it. I wanted a 4 Runner - I bought one. I wanted to live in a beautiful place - done. So, why do I keep looking? I have a great job with paid vacations and room for advancement and I still want more. More, more, more. Well, it's not even that I want more, I just want different. I want to feel as though when I come to work I am helping people less fortunate than I am. Whether they are hungry or sick or sad or poor. I want them to know that I care about them and I am do not think that I am any better than they are. I want to hear their stories and find out what their dreams are. Then I want to help them get even an inch closer to their dreams. But when I get that job, will it be enough or will I still want more?
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